Friday, August 26, 2011

Camp Tramp

Note 2/4/2014: xtranormal has decided to remove the videos originally linked here without warning or explanation.  Soooo, below are the scripts instead: 

{visual: “An education in seduction”.  First screen is “an education…” then transitions to “in seduction” by removing the ‘a’ in education and adding an ‘s’ to the beginning.}

Announcer (very straight-laced tweed-wearing man with upper-crust English accent): Are you worried that your daughter isn’t as glamorous as the other girls?  Is she a little chubby around the middle?  Does she not wiggle her butt enough when she walks?  

Or maybe your daughter is falling for that “equality” shit she learned in school, and makes noises about wanting to be a doctor or businesswoman when she grows up.  Does she expect you to pay tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars for her higher education?  Is she unclear on the concept of using her body to get ahead in the real world?  

Fix these problems today by sending your daughter to CAMP TRAMP.  

Camp tramp offers three programs perfect for aspiring sluts of all ages:

Baby Tramp, for girls 12 & under
Core classes in:
  • Don’t eat that!  You’ll get fat!
  • How to walk in platform heels 
  • Pushup bras: the solution to the problem of your Teeny Tiny Titties
  • Makeup application: more is more
  • Pole-dancing 101: shake your ta-tas before you even have any!
  • How to be quiet when a man talks and act like you’re hanging on his every word, while really you’re thinking about your next shopping trip
Intermediate (girls 13-16):
  • How to vomit up the 2 carrot sticks you had for lunch without smearing your lipstick
  • How to dance in platform heels
  • How to choose breast implants when your tits wither away from dieting
  • Botox and Restylane:  Because Your Natural Features Aren’t Good Enough Anymore
  • Pole Dancing 202: “Two to a Pole” lesbian grinding 
  • How to find out his net worth in under 2 minutes and avoid having to spend your time talking to a loser
Advanced (for girls who would already be over the hill as a hooker in Thailand)
  • Food is for younger girls!  How to live on vitamin pills and vodka
  • How to have sex in 10 positions in platform heels
  • Strategic room lighting that makes you look weeks younger
  • How not to bite down during a blow job because you’re so hungry
  • Pole Dancing 303: How to hang on when you’re hung over
  • How to get even the most jaded divorced man to sign your prenup 
  • “Scared Hot”.  Unlike other Glamour Camps, we offer field trips to see ugly girls in their native environments (trailer parks, domestic violence shelters and unemployment lines), to motivate our less interested students 

Financial Ass-istance Available!  Afraid you can’t afford to send your daughter to our fine establishment? Don’t worry; our “Gramps for Tramps” scholarship can help.  One of our distinguished donors will fund your daughter’s education in exchange for a private performance upon graduation.

"Head"master of the student "body": "The return on investment for a college education has declined precipitously in recent years…  you can no longer be assured that your children will be able to take care of you in your retirement as they may still be paying off their college loans in their own retirement.  Get a better, and quicker, return on your investment, by sending your daughter to camp tramp.   We will prepare your daughter to capitalize on her physical assets during her most attractive years.

Remember: piece of ass = peace of mind."


“My daughter is a little slow, if you know what I mean.  She was never good at the 3 r’s of reading, ‘riting, and ‘rithmetic.  But she sure does shine at the 3 s’s: sucking, scheming and sleazing.  I have to watch my wallet—and my pants zipper—now whenever she’s in the house!  Ha haha.” Bob Dobson, stepfather of Rita R. Dobson

“I only wish I had access to Camp Tramp when I was my daughter’s age.  I might have been a successful porn starlet rather than runner-up in a small-town beauty pageant.  I could have married a real estate developer instead of a used car salesman!“  Ms. Jackass Flats, Nevada 1982
“Yeah, yeah, we all know a mind is a terrible thing to waste.  But what about pert nipples and a firm ass? Those shouldn’t be wasted, either! Your daughter can always go back and get a degree later, after she has plopped out a few rugrats and has stretchmarks and cellulite and no one wants her anymore.” – Smith N. Wesson, father of 2010 graduate "Candy"

[Announcer once again]: Camp Tramp.  Because bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks.